TeZz- a movie review

Why? I will keep on asking this question till I am alive.  Why did I watch “TeZz” movie?  Ok story of movie in a single line, an illegal immigrant was caught by British police and was deported back to India. So he came back and put a (Hoax) bomb in a train and asked for money and finally shot dead by police. Voila Priyadarshan made an entire movie on this single line.

As I expected the basic idea was copied from “Speed” or our very own “the burning train”. I mean initially I was like “Wow finally an Indian movie with good action”, but later on with all poor logics used in movie I just wanted to bang my head with my laptop ( but then I realised all parts of my laptops are already living their last minutes. I mean what the hell I just saw. Any logic? Anywhere?

Actually the main problem with movie is that it had been directed by comedy king Priyadarshan, so he tried to give another dose of comedy but in a very different way. I mean he couldn’t use those same one liners, running sequences in every movie. Tch. So he tried another way. The action way.

So the story of movie goes like this. Ajay Devgn ( Damn sorry Ajay I just don’t follow numerology so I really don’t know which surname should I use now Devgun, Devgn, Devgan etc etc etc ) was an illegal immigrant or say a tourist came to UK and married to Kangna as per Hindu rituals, ok let me say it very clearly “idiot sala, marry wherever you want and as per any ritual but remember even in India you need to register your marriage and dude you forgot it in UK”. So court declared him illegal immigrant and sent him back to India, mind it with a stamp that he could never return back to UK.

So to take revenge with UK government he met with illegal arms dealer with the help of Zayed Khan ( dude are you seriously back in Industry??? Sad moment). He purchased kilos of bombs but what a bad luck that arm dealer got caught by police. Somehow our “Smart” Zayed Khan put bomb in one wagon train ( His name is Khan and he is not a terrorist).  Later on Sameera Ready ( another come back in same movie, God please kill me) put another bomb in a train.

Ok one thing which I want to clear here only, these two kids were helping Mr. Devgn ( another apology)because these two were also illegal immigrant in UK and were helped by “Sir” Devgn.

So Mr. Devgn called railway traffic department and informed them about his naughty act ( so cute). Now here comes an entry of our own Anil Kapoor as Police officer who just got retired a day back but was called by department to solve this case. Hmmmm now I am seriously proud of Indians who are police officers in some other country, they prove that local police officers are not even worth of solving one case by their own. Now Mr Devgn ( apology again) asked 10 million euros ( not Rupa euro, mind it).

Somehow Mr. Kapoor agreed UK government to use this amount like a carrot in front of employees oops I mean donkeys. Now chase begins, Mr Devgn used some 10-12 different mobile phones, used every tactic and got money. But in between Reddy ji and Khan ji were died.

In the last Devgn told railway traffic department that bomb was already fused so it was like an hoax ( Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani?) but he too got shot dead in last scene of movie ( gayi bhens pani mein).

Ok after watching this movie I was left with some unanswered questions. I know it is not new if movie had been directed by Priyadarshan.

1)      How the hell each and every citizen of UK was speaking Hindi? Did India attack UK and finally took revenge of making us their colonial colony? I mean I was just ROTFLL ( round on the floor laughing literally) on every scene wherever  any firang was speaking hindi ( in short I was laughing on every scene)

2)      Ok on serious note WHEN DID VIDEOCON START SELLING ITS MOBILE PHONES IN UK?( no my caps lock wasn’t accidently on, but I seriously want to know answer of this question) I mean company is even in trouble in India both in GSM services ( thanks to 2g scam) and handset division.

3)      If UK government deported some illegal immigrants back to India ( or tried to send them back) were they really wrong? I mean you can’t expect “Mehman-navaji” treatment like Indian government everywhere ( ok here I am highlighting national serious issue of Bangladeshi immigrants and Kasab)

4)      Just for god sake tell me honestly how did Mr. Devgn managed to go back to UK if he was banned to enter in country for lifetime? Please please please. It may solve problems of many people who want to go UK but damn UK laws which are really strict now.

5)      Why the hell there were songs in movie? I didn’t find any sense of using any song anywhere. It includes item number of Mallika Sherawat, even it wasn’t required. But then songs never make sense in any movie.

6)      Why and how in end scene Delhi Durbar caught fire? Did they put too many chillies in Biryani which made tummy upsets of firangs?

7)      Why and How Mr. Anil Kapoor was the first one to reach anywhere in the city like London? Don’t tell me he got his Mr. India powers once again back.

8)      Mr. Priyadarshan, How many movies did you really care to copy to make this “Khichdi”?

9)      Mr.Priyadarshan why didn’t you try to make comedy movie?

10)   Why did I even watch this movie?

I know getting answers of each and every question is as difficult as passing engineering without KT. Seriously I was like :O after watching this movie. Acting wise city London acted really well and rest of the star cast made fool out of them. Direction was awesome and camera work was really great. To be honest 1 or 2 scene really had great action but then movie was 2 hour long and watching 2 hour long movie for those 2 scenes is like looking for a seat in fully crowded Mumbai local train.

I am not sure why actors like Ajay Devgn , Kangna ranaut and Boman Irani worked in this movie. I lost all hopes from Anil Kapoor already after watching his “important” role in MI4. And for Zayed Khan and Sameera ready there is only one idiom in English “Beggars are not choosers”.

Mr. Priyadarshan it would be better if you make films only in comedy genre or at least come up with some story.

P.S. Mohan Lal ( Great Malyalam Superstar) too acted in this movie and was not in a guest role. It is on your talent to  see him in movie. I don’t know why hindi movie director always make fun of him by giving him such roles. First role of Thakur in RamGopal Verma ki aag and now this. huh

Namoone you meet on last day of your exam

So now I have become MBA or let me say in this way, I have got 2 most desired degrees in India. I can describe my MBA journey in 3 words only “Marketing, Branding and Adventurous”. Well If I ever get time or hit by nostalgia in near future I will surely write one more on MBA life.

So yesterday I wrote my last exam as student life. It was supposed to be toughest exam of MBA (at least of 4^th semester). As usual I reached examination centre (yes Mumbai University gives centres as according to your area preference) much before the time. So after glancing all notes and reading something more important on mobile I put all study material in my bag and started observing people there. Then I observed that I can categorised all in some relevant categories (yeah I know my MBA mind, it never stop working in segmenting things).

1)      Studious: this category belongs to those students who don’t want to leave book at any cost. These are those types of students who put study material back into their bag at 2:59PM for 3:00PM exam. No wonder these are also those people who stop writing at 6:00PM for 3-6 exam.  You can see him carrying tons of reading material, with 100s of pens, ID card and admit card in most secured way. You will not see these people talking to other people. They even don’t bother if anyone is observing them.

2)      Mediocre: this category is not that studious but they pretend to others that they are studious. They are only interested in listening to discussions of other students. They try to show that they are more anxious people even Brokers of share market are nothing in front of them. They too carry tons of material but mind it they are yet to start from any. They are more interested in increasing rumours (these are same people who claim they have got leaked paper, someone told them that these are important topics). These people always know someone who said something and is actually related to this exam. There are chances that when you ask them about the name of that “someone” you may probably get answers like “mere dost ka dost ka dost ka dost ........................... infinite loop”.

3)      Fattu: ok no hard feelings for them but these people are somehow related to mediocre category. These people generally cry a lot. These people try to become “RUDALI” before and after exams. They generally carry some material but still they have fear of everything.

4)      Chitters: This is the boldest category. Just 2-3 hours before the exam they don’t take pain of reading books instead they write a concise version of it in the forms of chits. Now a days, in the era of smart phones such people don’t even take a pain of making chits. They just transfer all the relevant data on their phones and use it wisely at the time of exam.

5)      Re-appearers: This is the only category of people who know their result even before appearing in exam. They know they are going to sit for same exam after 6 months. They come for exams just to boost confidence of other students. How? Simple, see there are positive thoughts and negative thoughts. To equal negative thoughts there should be equal amount of positive thoughts ( thought idea copied from equal energy principle as well from Newton’s 2^nd law of motion). In my last exam of MBA I met one such dude. I still remember his dialogue “ yaar chodd kya dekhna ab to November mai hi thik se dunga”. I mean that whole scene was actually hilarious.

6)      Unemployed quota: now this category belongs to those people who still have frustration, who just need something to vent their anger. They have just “dunia-ki-faad-kar-rakh-dunga” attitude. Now the friendcircle of such quota is actually inspiring and hilarious. At the last moment of exam they don’t care about exam but about his career option. Now I saw this dude at my examination centre. That dude was good looking, so his friends were trying to inspire him. One of his friend said to him “ come on yaar you are good looking, why don’t you try in modelling, remember one of alumni of our college is John Abraham and he got his first modelling assignment after his MBA”.

7)      Desperate lovers: Now this category is very unique and different from any other category exists. This category donot care about exams, they don’t even know which subject they are going to appear. They just want to “utilise” this last day. They know one thing that they may never meet that girl or boy ( who is supposed to be his/her crush from 1^st day of college) after this day. See they can reappear in this exam after 6 months but there is a chance that they will not get any other day to show their feelings. So they just go ahead, take risks and commit a mistake and propose that girl/boy. The result of this exercise decides how much beer cans he can drink in night.

8)      Social Networking kidde: These are those category of students who use Mobile at fullest. They update their arrival on foursquare as soon they reach their centre, then they update it on twitter that they are going to appear in final exam and finally just 2-3 minutes before exam they post on facebook and twitter that “woohooo last status update as student”. No penny for guess I did the same. I updated the whole thing on all available social media websites.

It takes lots of observation to write such article and I did it before last exam of life. Truly nothing can take place of student life where you have time for everything and have no time of everything. I hope you got its meaning.